Why do you feel personally alone?
How you learn to enjoy being alone
Being happy alone - that doesn't have to be a contradiction in terms. Because if you are alone, you are not necessarily lonely. There is a crucial difference between loneliness and being alone. You can find out which it is and how you learn to appreciate being alone in this post.
As a person, you are a social being that needs social exchange with others like the air you breathe. That is why, unlike other living beings, we have developed complex systems such as language to communicate with one another and to organize ourselves in groups. It is very natural that you have a need for closeness, recognition, company, and love. If these needs are not met, many people feel alone. Alone and loneliness are two completely different things.
Because being alone is nothing more than a temporary state. Ultimately, being alone only means that you are not in the company of other people. You can definitely enjoy this state, because on the one hand it gives you the opportunity to reflect and get to know yourself better. Second, hours alone are important to recharge your social batteries. Introverts need these times particularly often and it is easier for them to be alone than extroverts.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is a feeling, i.e. an inner being. Lonely people feel unloved and abandoned by the world. They often think that they are different from other people and feel isolated from them. Often they do not admit this feeling openly - neither to themselves nor to others. The closer circle of acquaintances is often not even aware that a person from their midst feels lonely, because he apparently spends a lot of time with others, has friends and family. But even in society, a person can feel lonely. In general, the image still prevails that lonely people are constantly sitting sad and alone in their apartment. But this is not always the case.
Accordingly, you are actually not afraid of being alone, but rather of the inner emptiness of loneliness. In other words: Since being alone is a state, you cannot feel alone at all, only lonely. The problem in our society, however, is that many have forgotten how to be consciously alone. But it is important that you learn to see it as a virtue and an art in order to be able to enjoy being alone without feelings of loneliness. And you can certainly learn that.
This is how you learn to enjoy being alone to the fullest
Practice being alone by consciously taking time for yourself. For example, regularly take a walk, write a diary, meditate or go to a concert or the cinema by yourself. You will find that there is actually no reason to be afraid of being alone. In the beginning feelings of loneliness may arise, but you should only acknowledge these and question them personally.
Why do you feel isolated and possibly even helpless when you are not in the company of other people? Most of the time, there are deep fears of being abandoned and of “not belonging”. You should make yourself aware of these feelings, because this is the only way you can think about what you can do about it. If you feel chronic loneliness, talk therapy can also help to get to the bottom of things. Ultimately, in moments like this, you should always make yourself aware that everyone will feel lonely in their life. So you are not alone with your feelings.
Sometimes being alone cannot be avoided: When you move to a new city, for example, you first have to set up a social network. Accordingly, you spend a lot of time alone. This can be tough and lead to feelings of loneliness. But if you realize that it is only a phase, then it will be easier for you to deal with it. In moments like this, always turn your attention inward and ask yourself the questions that bring you closer to yourself: Who am I really? What are my longings and dreams? What kind of relationship do I want to have with myself and my environment?
In this way you are consciously dealing with yourself and your life. This will help you learn what really matters to you and get to know yourself better. This makes being alone an act of self-love, as you deal empathically with your thoughts and feelings instead of feeling bad about them.
In a partnership, on the other hand, it is important that you consciously take time for yourself and also give your partner this freedom. Otherwise you run the risk of making great demands on the other that he or she can hardly meet. Do you need his or her closeness so badly that you can hardly stand it without the other? But that's not healthy: Rather, a relationship should always be an interplay of closeness and distance between two individuals. This also applies to friendships and parent-child relationships, especially in adulthood.
Why it is so important to be happy on your own
If you take conscious time off with yourself and learn to appreciate your own company, you can overcome feelings of loneliness faster. Because instead of seeing being alone as a threat that must be avoided at all costs, you learn to celebrate it and you will not feel so lonely even in company because you will come to terms with yourself.
The more you do things on your own and the more you dare to do something, the more you can strengthen your self-confidence. You become more self-confident and make yourself less dependent on the presence, but also the opinion of others. You should make it clear to yourself that you are not lonely just because you are going on a city trip alone, for example. Rather, you take your luck into your own hands instead of waiting for someone to come with you.
In addition, being alone significantly promotes your creativity. It gives you time to think and reflect, which allows you to find your own ideas and approaches. For example, maybe you are still looking for a job that you really enjoy. It certainly helps if you talk to others about it and ask them for their opinion. Ultimately, however, only you can make the decision what is best for you in the long run.
Alone is not the same as loneliness, but a state that cannot be avoided in the course of life and is definitely positive. Extreme mountaineer and adventurer Reinhold Messner knows this only too well: The cross-border commuter has undertaken numerous expeditions on his own and was sometimes alone for weeks and months. Learn in his Meet Your Master course how you too can succeed and how you can generally take your life into your own hands.
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