Have you ever humiliated a manager?

Can I Save My Face If I Have Been Humiliated?

It is very difficult to give a clear direction for a one-sided view. And this is an area where I've seen a lot of unclear management - so I think my first thought is - you are not alone in your frustration.

I can imagine two thoughts:

Next time - preventive steps

It's hard to tell if you and your boss had one or more conversations about taking on a team lead role. But when I am in a leadership position, I can safely say that more talking is better than less. A single conversation is easy to misinterpret - week after week, conversations you and your boss are more likely to align with what you both mean when you say "team leader" and what the expectations of the other person will be.

Things for the checklist:

  • What are the right actions for you to take before you are promoted to team leader?
  • What does your boss need to see to be sure you're ready to officially take the role?
  • How should you describe yourself before officially taking the lead?
  • What's the schedule to make this official? Is there any paperwork? Does this come with a raise / promotion?
  • Which external factors could influence advertising? (For example, you can't be a team leader if there aren't any projects that currently require team leadership!)
  • When can you expect the boss to announce it - should it really be the boss to announce it?
  • What can you expect in terms of guidance / feedback before and after the action?
  • What are the responsibilities of the lead compared to just being a high-level and knowledgeable member of the team?

Once you've had the opening meeting, I would recommend that you and the boss meet weekly to discuss your work as a team leader and any issues. Since you've talked about an official release date, you can bring it up on closer inspection and remind the boss of the need for official action or a reason why you are in the role Not will get.

These weekly meetings are a good time for you to highlight your work and ask for feedback. So there are no surprises that you do this teamwork. A great deal of leadership can go unnoticed because the best clue about a good leader is the absence of problems. So it's good to report on actions just so your boss knows what you're up to.

The current problem

Unfortunately, most of this preventive advice is not helpful in the current action. I think you need to ask yourself some serious questions and then react accordingly.

Do you have a belief that your boss will see a bigger picture and guide you in a direction that will help your career?

If the answer is no: When you're so angry, disappointed, and untrustworthy that you can't answer “yes”, it's time to look for other options. You won't grow or find a happy place in a company where you don't like or trust your boss. Feel free to claim that you were an "informal leader" on your most recent project and the work you did on creating your resume. In the interview, gloss over the anger and pain and focus on the work you've done, your success, and how much you liked it. See if you can get a job that starts as a "lead" so you don't have to go through another promotion process.

If the answer is yes: OK. So, go to the boss and interpret this. Ask for an hour of concentrated, private discussion time, and mention that you have something serious to discuss. Ask for feedback on your work as a lead and ask why you were passed over. This is not about each other's mistakes, but rather that you are viewed as a suboptimal lead. Ask about other options on the horizon.

Every time I was turned down for an opportunity, my decent management had the courtesy to sit down with me and give me feedback on why I wasn't the first choice. They often set the overall scheme and show me how to stack myself next to the person they have chosen to work with. For the most part, I agreed with them and was willing to stay with the organization because I believed it was making good decisions about how it was using its resources. If I don't agree, I'll start looking for a job.

A note on vengeance

Give it up. In fact, if you've had decent leadership, your team won't suffer the pain of losing you - it will be sad to lose someone they like and then it will be well balanced and sturdy enough to keep the work going, without feeling the painful loss of a gaping technical void. If you have identified work that only you can do, be ashamed, this is not good leadership. Good leadership means that the employees in the team grow to the point where they can expand and grow in order to cope with a crisis.

I did it for about 10 years and I left teams that I loved dearly for all sorts of reasons. Even as I left an organization that I found totally undesirable and a team that was completely depressed because the mental health buffer was gone, I found that life goes on and people will learn in a surprisingly short amount of time to live without you.

So ... don't go because it will hurt them. Go because it will help you.


Feel free to claim that you were an "informal leader" on your most recent project and the work you did on creating your resume. Yes, especially the part about mentioning the things you did as part of the team leader role. It is this support with evidence that will impress future employers, not the words "team leadership" in and of themselves.


This is not about each other's mistakes, but rather that you are viewed as a suboptimal lead. And yes if you go that route I wouldn't mention each other's mistakes at all, it sounds like a sour grape and makes her much less likely to listen to you or give you something useful in conversation.


I loved your last sentence. Bravo.