What are your inner children
How the contact with the inner child strengthens your joie de vivre in everyday life
Imagine: you. Three years old. At the playground in the sandpit. You just got your first toy shovel. You are digging in the sand with it when suddenly another child comes and takes your toy away from you. You don't know how to act and look for help at your mom, who is sitting on the bench next to you. She ignores you, but you can feel very clearly that she is watching the scene. You stay still and continue building your sandcastle by hand. You come home sad - and without a shovel.
Contact with the inner child: But what is the inner child anyway?
You save this - and every other experience from your childhood - in your memory. Regardless of whether you can consciously remember the incidents of your childhood and adolescence, the experiences are stored in your memory. And the associated emotions too. The sum of these experiences is called “the inner child”.
At the same time, every experience in the first years of your life has a special impact on you. The experience on the playground leaves you with the feeling, for example, that no one is standing up for your needs and that you have to accept when someone acts badly on you. - You don't know that your mom didn't stand up for you because the mother of the child who took the shovel away from you is the parents' association that your mom is afraid of, and you won't be able to explain her behavior to you even less.
This experience sits. And it's just one of many.
As an adult, you then learn that “you have to take care of yourself”. You develop some kind of elbow technique to get through life. At the same time, you often feel sad and alone. You justify this by saying inwardly, “The experiences of my childhood are over. Today I live my life differently. Life demands hardship. I am one of those who prevail. ”- But you are not happy.
Most of the people I am allowed to work with have distanced themselves from their childhood experiences in the course of their lives. In this way, they supposedly avoid having to feel the negative feelings of their childhood again and again. They banish these emotions into the subconscious.
Contact with the inner child happens - whether we like it or not
Now that we've used this avoidance tactic to protect ourselves from repeated negative experiences, everything happens unconsciously. Because 95% of our perception happens unconsciously. That means, we cannot get by with the experiences of our childhood. They just find another way to get to the surface.
If you encounter many of the following feelings, then this is a sure sign of an inner child that has split off from you:
- You often feel overwhelmed.
- You have lost your joie de vivre.
- You are extremely easily offended.
- You often feel lonely or alone - even when you are around people.
- You think you are not good enough the way you are.
- You feel that you are not reaching your full potential.
- Life seems difficult and often pointless to you.
The first step in contact with the inner child
This article is an absolute plea to re-establish contact with the inner child! Because no matter whether you want to admit the experience or not; no matter whether you want to distance yourself from your childhood or not - these imprints are there. And these imprints become your base of experience as an adult. Indirectly, you repeat the experiences of your childhood again and again and unconsciously choose situations in which you get the experiences of your childhood confirmed. Paradoxically, this is the only way you feel safe and validated. Even if you are unhappy with it.
Erich Kästner says: "It's never too late for a happy childhood."
Today - as an adult - you can put the experiences of your childhood stored in your subconscious in a new light. Because with the knowledge in the background that your mom was afraid of the mother of the "shovel taker" and how much she struggled with her own insecurity because her mother regularly made her bad in front of strangers, you can understand that your mom gave her best in the playground situation at the time. And that she didn't let you down, but that at that moment she was sitting paralyzed on the bench and didn't know how to protect you.
You are the only person who can re-establish contact with the inner child within you
Everyone around you sees you only as adults. Only you can enter into a dialogue with your inner child. In this way you can change the truths of your childhood for the better and heal emotional pain.
Please be patient with your inner child! I love the following picture: Imagine there is a little child who has lived in the orphanage for the past twenty or thirty years. Suddenly someone comes along, adopts this child and takes him home. Do you think this kid will instantly become the number 1 flagship kid? Or do you think it takes time to get used to it? Time to gain confidence and open up? - So please be loving to this special being. It's been through a lot. Much that you no longer know. Give this great person space and time to recognize and perceive their own greatness and uniqueness. Give him time so that he can perceive and articulate his own needs.
You will be rewarded with meeting a fantastic person. And with joie de vivre for you.
Opportunities to establish and maintain contact with the inner child
It only takes a little time and energy to establish contact with the inner child. Usually a few minutes a day are enough, for example to cuddle in bed with your child or to go out for an ice cream. For the first contact with the inner child, I recommend that you take a quarter or half an hour. Then ask your inner child to show up now. See if you can perceive it in the room you are in or elsewhere. Maybe a scene from your childhood pops up. Now go mentally to your child and introduce yourself to him. Tell him that you are "the big version" of him and ask if your inner child is okay with you talking. Be prepared for your inner child to react negatively at first. If they don't want to speak to you, tell them you'd like to stay with them for a few minutes. Finally, say goodbye to your child and tell them you'll be back in a few days.
Important: don't make promises that you won't keep!
If you promise your inner child that you will visit again in a few days, then by all means keep that promise! Otherwise you will have an orphan with you in your home who would rather be back in the orphanage than with you. In that case you don't need to be surprised if the contact with the inner child doesn't work out.
Then, when your child is ready to talk to you, ask them things like:
- Can I do something for you?
- Would you like to come to my house?
- Do you want to tell me something?
- How can I help you so that you can keep in touch with me more easily in everyday life?
- Do you want to do / eat / play something in particular?
Enter into a kind of dialogue with your inner child
And fulfill his wishes. Indulge and pamper it unconditionally. For example, if your inner child wants a giant ice cream sundae at -10 degrees in winter, then go eat ice cream with him and make sure that your inner child gets an extra helping of sprinkles on top. That doesn't mean you have to storm the nearest ice cream store right away. Mostly it is enough if you accompany your child virtually - sitting in your armchair. However, if the adult in you is also in the mood for an ice cream sundae, then head for the local gelateria!
Other suggestions on how to re-establish contact with the inner child:
- Think about what you liked to do as a child and repeat that as an adult. If you have no memory of it, ask yourself, "What would I like today if I were a little kid?"
- Stroll through a toy shop and let yourself be inspired by the many great toys there! Pick the coolest toy and buy it for your home!
- Get yourself a stuffed animal. Maybe there are still toys from your childhood in the parents' attic. Take your cuddly toy or doll with you to bed and give your toys a place in your everyday life.
- Read your childhood favorite book.
- Find your favorite photo of you as a child and put it in a prominent place in your home or office. Smile at your inner child in your photo whenever you look at them.
The most important thing in contact with the inner child: it wants to play, not work!
Please note one important thing in contact with the inner child: it wants to play, not perform! As adults, we've learned that any work we do must produce measurable results. We mistakenly believe that this approach has to work for the inner child as well. The exact opposite is the case: As soon as you come up with demands like “I now have three hours for you, after that you have to be integrated and I am happier”, your inner child rebels and withdraws from you. Even as a child, your inner child could not meet the expectations of adults. Why should it do this ordeal again? - Children play for the sake of playing. This is how they learn. This is how they discover. This is how they grow. And that is exactly what you are allowed to do. Your gift for your time with the inner child: happiness. Joy. Peace.
One possibility to strengthen the contact with the inner child and to fall in love with yourself again is provided by the seminar “Love your inner child and yourself!”. It is for all those who already have experience in intuition contact and now want to heal even more for themselves.
At the online congress "Heal your inner child" you also have the opportunity to listen to thirteen interviews with experts and thus learn more about the possibilities of healing your injured inner child.
Let me know how you are doing with your contact with the inner child and what you both are experiencing!
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